A few years ago I made some music in my bedroom using mattresses and a 386. I called it an "album" (which was the style at the time), put a picture named Boardface on the front, and it went quite well. Some people even bought it on Compact Disc.
Some years later I made some more music, this time using better mattresses and an Apple G4. I called this collection of songs Like Drawing Blood, because of an injury I suffered while licking an envelope. This record found more success than the one before, and then found more success even than that. Success kind of heaped on top of success, and then on top of itself, like a pyramid of genetically modified frogs. Overall, it was really all about success, this record. And lots of it (success, that is). So much success did I find, in fact, that I had to buy up some storage company's warehouses in West Oakleigh just to kind of stockpile it all.
Yep, them's were high-livin times. The success and whatnot. I bought another new jumper (this time with a wolf on it, which was the style at the time) and also a large gold tooth. I use this gold tooth to seal letters these days.
And so, having found success in Australia, Oz music industry parlance dictates that I should now be poised to "conquer the world".
But that all sounds a bit tediously colonial, doesn't it. And perhaps reflective of Australia's general obsession with measuring up to the rest of the West's heightened level of self-importance.
It also sounds a bit cruel. I mean, who wants to be attacked, enslaved and put to work in a rubber mill by a relatively unknown Australian alt-pop musician?
No-one, that's right. And their grandmother
Perhaps I could just "con the world". Even for a little while, that would already be pretty massive. Lots of media savvy and conniving necessary there I'll bet.